the manly, guy-ified, ultra-macho, hunk dude edition

*flex muscles*

i am the coolest guy on earth... let me tell you ALL about me...

i like au-to-mobiles... they go zoom... i like to pimp them out with 22 inch rims and race them...

women are only good for dancing in my music videos... and cooking... they should shake their buttocks and wiggle their hips at impossible (hur hur... 3 syllabibbles... whoa.. 4 that time...) speeds... i like pancakes...

power tools are the best... they make loud noises... i will fix the toilet for free...

i will play video games and beat the high score... Pac-man should have his own cartoon...

*nod head and beat chest twice with left hand and point at you coz i'm too cool to say goodbye*

omigod, i'm (almost) a woman

i think i know why i write in here now...

its a fear of loneliness. i'm afraid to be alone. its that simple.

by giving of a part of myself, throwing it out into the wilderness if you will, i place myself in someone elses company, and that gives me comfort. my scribbles are no longer my own. they are the property of an anonymous public, whose very facelessness allows someone as private and proud as myself to put forth and display my moments of weakness, such as the one i'm having right now. in this selfish way i share my burden, yet can remain aloof and safe in the knowledge that few will know who i really am as i draw attention to myself, because these post are exactly that... a cry to be heard and to be noticed.

for those who do know me... well, they might have a good jab at me later on, but that'd be plain uncivil so what would they do? i suspect they'd keep quiet about it, too, because a) i'd deny it, and b) i'd deny it and c) its really not worth bringing up is it? i mean, we all know what these kinds of posts are and i suspect many have written them... so cool, you've read what i had to type. yay.

then again, i'm not assuming does anyone care... but if you do... thanks... just don't talk about it.

the unbearable likeness of being

a friend mentioned to me recently, he said, "bob, you should get out more... meet new people... make new friends... it pains me to see you cooped up at home with nothing to do..."

first of all, thank you guy-whose-name-i-shall-not-mention-for-fear-that-you-will-beat-me-up-for-splashing-your-name-all-over-the-internet, thank you for your deep, heartfelt concern. but at the same time, strangely, i'm pissed that you managed to hit the nail right on the head...

yes, its true... i am introverted and socially inept... of course you might already have alluded to this seeing that most of my posts come on friday nights and early saturday mornings when i'm most free... but back to the point: being confronted with the issue thus, part of me says, "so what if i like to stay at home rather than go out? so what if i'd rather be at home playing nintendo by myself than go for a round of drinks with the boys?", yet the other part can't help but pine, "damn, it sure is quiet around here..."

and for the first time in a long time, it hurts. goddammit.

my god, what now?!

this is a trial to try and post a post with only a solitary 'E', and that was it.

its horribly hard, no doubt you know... but this is what bums and idling minds think of doing for lack of paid or fulfilling work.

this is in no way a first for humankind, if thats what you thought; this guy, long ago, put out a book in similar fashion... and no, it was not in Swahili... but i'm sad to say that i don't know who it was...

not a lousy or short book, mind you... it was substantial in duration and witty and smart in its own right, or so i was told. an amazing work of art, no doubt. it is a book which anybody must think amazing, knowing the task's difficulty and how awkward it is to work with a symbol short of a full group; a toolbox without nuts or bolts; football with no uprights; or *gasp* hiphop with no Snoop Dogg...

it looks as if i am now on my way to finally finish... so thats that... i must quit now, for i grow dull for lack of inspiration, a conscious mind and a slim vocabulary of words.

till our paths draw us out again, i bid you, goodnight.

well, gee, this is fun...

its only my 5th post and i'm already getting sick of this...
its like an added bit of if-not-for-this-i'd-be-asleep-right-now-doing-nothing-but-noooooo-i-had-to-start-a-blog-and-have-something-else-that-i-didn't-otherwise-have-to-think-about...
plus, its tough writing for no one in particular... you don't have an opportunity to connect, you know?

"hi, i'm bob, and you are?"

"......."

"ah,... strong, silent type, eh? well, its nice to meet you..."

"............"

*look around amidst awkward silence*
"ooookaaaay... i have to go now"

still, millions of people are doing it... so it must be that i'm missing the point... well, no matter... i'll figure it out... someday... if not we'll just be stuck here going in circles with nothing to say, while taking a long time to say it...

yippee

wing-bing-ding-a-ling

help me out here... i'm still trying to get the hang of this graduate-from-university-and-get-a-job-and-make-lotsa-money-before-getting-married-and-have-3-kids-then-retiring-in-everlasting-bliss thing... is it suppose to be like automatic? coz the get-a-job bit is slowing me up juuuuust a little bit... well, 4 months seems like a little bit in relation to the whole other 24-some years of my life...

no matter... i've never done anything about my own state of affairs since that time when i cut my own fingernails unsupervised AND by myself... did i mention that i was alone? anyway the point is: look at me now! i'm a proud, happy, well-adjusted, confident, adequately nourished, some say average-looking human being... well... the lower average but still... and i didn't even have to work for it! woohoo!

all i did was sit my ass at home and moved only when told to move and worked only when told to work... hah! brilliant! if i'd known life was as easy as taking orders i'd have enlisted myself in the army years ago! of course all that spitting might be a problem but hey, NO RESPONSIBILITIES! what could be sweeter?

ah... to be a student again... now i don't know how you guys over where you are go about it, but here in Singapore, school life's a breeze... i mean literally, its over before autumn!... not that we actually have seasons on a tropical island 623 square kilometres (i don't know how much that is in feet so leave me alone)... everything moves so fast you're on the last page by the time you even have time to buy the book, and thats only when the damn thing is less than 700 pages short!

and how much of it do i use when i'm done? well... if i had a job i'm sure i'd have a use for the atomic structure of nitro-glycerin when combined with aluminum phosphate and the resultant energy released upon applying said thing-a-ma-jigs to 364 joules of heat... its just not always readily apparent, you know? no, of course you don't... you have a job...

you patronize me! ARGH! that makes me mad!

which is just as well since i have nothing more to say on the topic... not that there was a topic... or any kind of structure whatsoever... ok, NOW i'm trying too hard... now, as in since this post began...

dammit.

wahahaha!!

yay!

3 posts in one sitting!


...dear lord help me...? you'd think i'd have more important things to do but nooooo... i'm here filling up my blog with post upon post of stuff that people will never read... and on a saturday night no less! oh, the sad, pitiful, loneliness of me...

i've been browsing around, looking at other people's blogs... and i just can't help but feel my little space in virtual land just isn't up to snuff... i guess you can't expect to write anything interesting if you're stuck at home all the time, right?

and yes, i do care. as strange as it sounds, what with all the "nobody will ever read this" crap i spew, i do care that whats printed on this one page, sandwiched between a bagillion others, is at least interesting and worth the megabits of memory that its taking up.

and do you know why i care that this infinitely small space looks good? because this space is mine. MINE MINE MINE! ME ME ME! well... not exactly MINE mine per sae... seeing as i didn't pay for it or anything... well... close enough...

so whoever you are, person who supports all these pages of text and pictures in server heaven, i thank you for putting up with me and i salute you! and you, mr blog-reader-person-dude-guy! you, too deserve a slap on the back! *smack* just for being here. yay.

i leave you now to enjoy my blog! ....... and the posts which you have already read prior to reading this one... again... this being the latest post in a series of 3 of which you would have read the first 2 before proceeding on to this one, the 3rd in the aforementioned series of which there are 3 posts...

so here it is!


in pink.

"i was just reading a scary book" -Shrek

still trying to get the hang of this whole "blogging" thing...

it suprises me still that people are putting their diaries on the web and letting total strangers read them... i mean, some of these guys could be weirdos! correct me if i'm wrong but aren't diaries supposed to be private, or did i miss that lesson? you know, all the "How could you come into my room and go through my stuff and read my diary, DAD/MOM?! i hate you! *sob*" -slam door in face of parent/s- "But we did it because we love you! And that Jason boy just didn't look proper! He has a tattoo for God's sake!.......... at least we didn't say anything about the condoms we found in the trash.................... you're grounded, young lady!" -parents storm off-

"His name is Benjamin!!!"


ok, where were we? ah yes, the whole privacy issue thing...
i guess its like saying you're "okay" but then start to breathe and sigh heavily and drum your fingers as you sip your coffee with 8 lumps instead of your usual none and *gasp* non-low fat creamer. you don't want people to know, but you do... its a secret, but its not...

because, i mean, come on... the best part about secrets is that... its NOT a secret... you know what the secret is, so that makes it not secret... get it? oh, yeah and there's that matter of having a connection with the person you're sharing the secret with, you know, trust and friendship yadda yadda... -make hand in shape of duck's mouth. open and close hand and grimace as eyes roll-

so, a secret is only secret when other people know that its supposed to be a secret. sharing a secret, and then trying to keep a secret secret, and knowing that it won't stay secret for long is all the fun! and the belief that only you and this other person/people share it exclusively is the proverbial icing on the cake.

and so it is with blogging! yay! an epiphany! *beam*

so gather 'round you voyuers, you! read me! let me tell you my deepest, darkest secrets as i divulge in yours! let us rejoice that in a life of friends and family, we should find comfort and solice in a web full of strangers!

because who cares if you know my secrets? not i faceless reader, not i!

et tu, bobby?

so i'm sitting in my room, bored to death, right? i'm jobless, single, unkept and rotting away, right? so i think... "Man, this sucks..." so what do i decide to do?

i start a blog!... dear god... i start a blog...

i mean... what was i thinking? why'd i do something like that?
its not like ANYONE will ever know its here, right ... unless i go around telling my friends about it, of course... but still, i suspect they've heard me whine enough in real life as it is... so why'd they bother with stuff here? its just the same ol' thing except they don't have to hear my voice... which, i suppose makes this better, if you view any sort of inane banter positively, that is... so if NO one is going to read it, why bother?
well, my internet friend whom i've never met, let me enlighten you! the answer is simple: "its er... well, um... let me get back to you on that... having an epiphany isn't exactly an easy thing to do, you know..."

so lets review shall we? nothing has been said and no point has been made... the only reason why you might come back here is to read my NEXT post which, i must say, i set up pretty sneakily (didn't see it? well, there you go...)

in any case its here... for anyone who happens to pass by or for those unlucky few whom i happen to burden with this link...

yes... i'm doing it, too... isn't that weird?