sitting, waiting , wishing

please, God. you can't let her go. not yet.

what the fuck

i just sent an email declaring that i'll be flying off to taiwan to see my terminally ill grandmother.

and i apologized for my ensuing absence.

i apologized to a company and its bosses that i will be away visiting my grandmother who is lying in bed, dying from kidney failure in a hospital in taiwan.

"sorry for the inconvenience" i wrote.

nice.


i can see it now.

i instant message my immediate superior.

he leans over his shoulder, "bobby's going overseas to see his very ill grandma"

"tell him to send an official email to let us know."

"ok."


very nice.

with soul and reckless abandon

its one thing to see other people have a great time.

its a whole other story to see other people almost twice your age dress up in elaborate costumes, dance the salsa and the cha-cha, make a fool of themselves and party hardy like they were 18.

the Flintstones (thats right... Fred, Wilma, Barny, Betty, Bam Bam and Pebbles) were 2 tables away drunk and obnoxious swearing like sailors.

i watched as the equivalent of a CEO waltzed up on stage dressed as Aladdin and deliver a speech so full of charm and wit i swear he was gay.

Cleopatra was in the house, Austin Powers spoke French, and the Queen of the Damned could have standed to gain a few pounds.

There was a Red Indian, North Indians, South Indians, Punjabis, Sikhs and Arabs... not like i could tell the difference... word of mouth, you see...

Shanghai Tan (he's definitely gay) made an appearance and shook his tush like his life depended on it. 42 year old ballroom dance champion of sorts. i personally think it should be illegal for a guy to move like that... and i feel kinda dirty saying this, but he was *gasp* good.

And then there was me.


my god i'm a fucking geek... no offense to the rest of you.

of course. most of you already know that. thanks for telling me.

hardy har har

dumb ass, Singaporeans.

don't you understand that the fucking joke ceases to be funny when people start explaining it to you?!!?!?


"you see, its funny that you never know exactly why the chicken crosses the road because if there was a straight answer, then there wouldn't be a point to making that joke in the first place. So its funny that everyone asks you this same question and you get a bagillion answers only because there is no right answer! Isn't that so funny?"

"see... CAR, as in the 'automobile', sounds like KAH, the Hokkien term for 'leg'. So when I say I have two automobiles, what I really mean is that I have two legs!! HAR HAR HAR! I kill me! Oh! I don't mean that for real. 'I kill me' is a slang people use to describe how funny they think they themselves are. Its because they laugh so hard at their own jokes that it feels like they are asphyxiating themselves. So really, I should be saying 'Haha! I think I myself am so funny that I am laughing so hard that I feel like I am unable to breathe and therefore might pass out from lack of oxygen!"


why do you always have to be so damn sure to make it so damn fucking clear that "THIS IS THE POINT WHERE YOU LAUGH" stoopids.

I'm writing a sitcom that laughs about everyday life and situations, but apparently there's no such thing as inflections in voice, tone and attitude or subtext or sarcasm or wit in real life so if we try to put that on paper or on screen, no one will fucking get it coz "you have to 'make it clear' to the audience exactly why this joke is so funny." coz everyone who watches TV is fucking dumb and devoid of a social life or any form of face to face interaction that they are rendered incapable of understanding anything that isn't specifically and clearly and excruciatingly explained and spelled out.

how's this for fucking clear you fucking fuckers: FUCK YOU, DAMMIT!!!