to someone i barely know... goodbye

we've only met twice before... had probably spoken not more than 5 whole sentences to each other... a friend of a friend... she is some one i hardly know, yet today i found it hard not to think about what little i knew of her... what she's like, how old she is, where she lived, who her friends are, what jobs her parents have, whether she has any brothers or sisters... any opportunity i had to find out a little more about her was sought in earnest... trying to piece the puzzle together, trying to catch a glimpse of what her life is like...
i do know that she seems, to me, like a very outgoing and vibrant person... soft-spoken yet confident, talkative and friendly... shoulder length hair, glasses, mini Ts and sporty trousers... a very attractive young lady indeed...
i had the opportunity once, to get better acquainted... a couple months ago, a couple weeks after we first met, sometime around december 19th... she asked if i was free to help her with a little project she had been planning...

"oh no... i'll be busy those days... maybe i can find someone else who can help?"

"ermm... actually, i was hoping you'd be free to do it..."

"oh... i'm sorry... i don't think i'll be able to make time... but good luck with your shoot anyway!"

"Thanks!"


on january 23rd, 2004, at age 21, she stepped off a building.

she was cremated this morning.

i didn't know her... but i wish... i wish... its weird but i wish i did.

and i wish i could have been there, for whatever reason... to say goodbye.

you're out, batter!!!

strikes two and three came suddenly,
so fast in fact that i was utterly,
bewildered, shocked and caught off guard,
didn't even see "two" coming before "three" had my whole life marred.
i knew it would come to nothing less than this,
i knew from the very beginning, i knew from that rejected kiss,
how your eyes would shimmer and glow,
not for me (yeah, right) but for that great unknown.
the photos, the calls, the unspoken songs,
the messages, the posts were there all along.
the choice is made, the answers clear,
i am not your "dear".
It was never me.
Not your ranger, nor your hero,
not your choco mokoko nor your mojojojo.
It was not to be.
so if you're reading this, and i think you just might,
i bid thee farewell and a proverbial goodnight.
will try my best not to call again,
to smile and laugh and be your friend,
to lend an ear if it comes to that,
to engage in idle chit-chat,
to be available when you call,
nothing more, nothing less, thats all.
i had fun, i really did,
but did you?
Did we?
only maybe.
look at you, all of 23,
young, beautiful and lovely,
sometimes crass and sometimes bossy,
gushing over something soft and chewy.
is it tofu?
is it duck?
abc porridge?
whatever it is...
i hope you're eating it with the one you love,
coz it'll taste better.

and the umpire called, "STRIKE ONE!!!"

tried to kiss a girl today,
but she reared her head and turned away.
with ego bruised and hormones lipid,
i heaved a sigh and breathed "god dammit!"
and i was sure i got it right
it was breezy, it was cozy, and it was night!
"just a peck" i recall i thought,
"a tiny nick... yes, thats what i ought
to try and get,
no wait, a kiss is shared not got."
so i confused myself, my mind was a blur,
my lips were puckered, but alas, not hers!
i leaned over just ever so slightly,
misjudged the distance and, i recall quite vividly,
almost fell over in my vain attempt,
to make like Lois and Clark Kent.
oh the misery.
'twas the end, quite literally,
of my date with destiny.
can you not help but laugh at me?
a grown man such as i,
failing to lock eyes,
with whom i thought that i would share,
an act of love, a child's double dare.
what does it mean to be rejected thus?
the answer, i trust,
will alude me for a little while yet,
in any case enough to let
me write a couple words of disbelief,
of misinterpretation, of melancholy grief.
tried to kiss a girl today,
but she reared her head and turned away.