fuck hell all!!11!11!!!1!!11!!!

i am very, very disappointed at the general and wide-spread stupidity of Singaporeans.

i don't like to write about current affairs because very often, i really don't care. but this time... THIS TIME YOU HAVE STRUCK A NERVE, YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!1!1!!!2!!1

its to do with those guys who're being prosecuted for airing their "dangerous, unhealthy, seditious (wow, look! a special word just for this type of 'crime'! it must be really, really serious!), call-it-whatever-you-like" remarks in their blogs.

first of all... all you fucking cheebyes snooping around in other people's personal spaces and reading their posts for entertainment because its 'the in thing'... if you can't take the heat, get the fuck outta the strangers kitchen, fool!!

nobody asked you to go poking around in other people's business. its assholes like you who make walking around in my own house naked a fucking public offense!!!11!1!! you kah-nee-nah kapoh-face look inside my house for fuck1?!?! inside got model izzit?! inside got plasma tv for you to see izzit!?!?!??!?!?!?!!?

if you go poking your fuck-faces into places that you are unfamiliar with, or are likely to cause you harm (e.g. Singapore schools), then you better cheebye be prepared to face things you've never seen before, or encounter things beyond your narrow, nay... pin-hole sized point of view.

which leads me to my second point, you fucking know-it-all-wannabe-sit-in-my-chair-and-muse-about-the-intricasies-of-the-world-closet-psychologists... just because someone says "it" doesn't mean someone who listens to "it" is gonna believe "it" is true.


"like, duh, bob. EVERYONE knows that!"


yah. so what the fuck is all this shit about spreading social unrest when someone says, "All Singaporeans are dumbfucks!!!"


"oh look! he said "All Singaporeans are dumbfucks!!!"... it must be true!!!! he's causing social unrest by discriminating against his fellow man and turning Singaporeans against themselves!!! he must be prosecuted and put in jail!11!!11!!oNE!1

"but... not everything that everyone says is true... and not everyone is going to believe it...."

"you side with him1?!?!11?!?! you racist sympathizer!!11! next thing you know, you're going to say that everyone in Singapore watch porno before!!11$1@ you should be prosecuted, too!!"

"but... i read it... and i don't think Singaporeans are dumbfucks... i like Singaporeans! what about you? do you think Singaporeans are dumbfucks after reading the post?"

"of course i don't, lah! but other people are different!!! they will believe anything !!"


yay, great. twenty thousand points for you, holier-than-thou ass.

the point is... its a point of view. it is MY opinion. so what if I am a racist fucker. so what if I DON'T LIKE INDIANS BECAUSE THEY SMELL FUNNY. so what if I DON'T LIKE MALAYS BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS HANG OUT AT VOID DECKS PLAYING GUITAR. so what if I DON'T LIKE CHINESE BECAUSE THEY ARE CUNNING AND MERCILESS IN THEIR PURSUIT FOR WEALTH.


"people will read these statements and internalize them."


or sure... everyone in Singapore is a brainless, mindless, idiot who cannot think for themselves and absorbs everything like a sponge without asking whether its true or false, right or wrong, or if it clashes with their own belief systems.

wow! no wonder i like jolly shandy so much! they advertise on tv that its a good drink... so it really must be!! and look! only supermodels drink calsberg! wow! it means i am a supermodel, too!! and look at the government propaganda film! friends from all four races are smiling and patting each other on the back!! they must really love each other and it must mean i have friends from all four races!! yay! i am sooooooo happy!!

do you agree with me? do you disagree? let's have a discussion. or alternatively you can throw my ass in jail, prosecute me and pat yourself on the back thinking you've done a great service to the nation by silencing a single individual who's dumb enough to put his life on the line by expressing a point of view which may or may not be true and which may or may not be baseless, and at the same time sending the message to everyone else in the world that being different and having your own opinions is wrong, dangerous and undesirable. you are reaffirming the children in Singapore what they've been told for years, "behave yourself or i call the police come and catch you!"

fuck this country.

you're it!

hey, whaddya know? i've been tagged.

hello Jean.

i'm not sure what i'm supposed to do (the original's in Mandarin so i might have translated it wrong) but i believe its something to do with personal traits or character quirks... something like that... so i'm supposed to list 5 of them things then burden 5 other people with this chain mail in disguise.

and who am i to give up a chance to talk about myself?


-"i'm only happy when it rains"
i woke up once in the middle of the night and sat there for 15 minutes just listening and looking at the rain fall.
when i was little i tried to engage in a little father-son time. so i tolds him i said, "you know, i dunno why but i kinda like it when it rains (the typhoon kind, where you could potentially stick out your hand and not see it)... just have this nice feeling about it."
and he saids, "well, when it rains its cooler and there's also the prospect of staying at home. studies have also shown that the low frequency drone of the rain hitting the ground is somehow soothing to the human ear, like the call of whales."
well, there's a bit of logic and science appropriately displaced. very nice, dad. very romantic.


-Ore wa Samurai desho!
i like to pretend i'm a samurai! i look into the mirror and pretend to swing my invisible samurai sword as my luscious locks flail rhythmically to the echoes of my japan-glish musings.

"shin ne da! ba ke mo no!!!"

it's a thing born from the fact that i talk to myself... incessantly. and i wasn't even aware it was a weird thing to do until JC (17-18 for those of you not under an European-type education system)
was just out one day with a bunch of friends and i, in my natural way, started saying something to no one in particular.

girl from 3 feet away, "ewwww, bob... you talk to yourself?"

"yah... (as in, "yah duh, doesn't everybody?")"

"that's so gross!!!"

needless to say i don't talk to myself to her anymore!


-'but i like staying at home...'
ah, dorothy. if you only knew how big a fan i am.
and what's wrong with that? hmmmmmmm? you like to go disco and dance and drink and smoke, i like to stay at home watch tv and play computer games, cannot meh?
what's so nerdy or loser-ish about that? sure, fine, thats one of the reasons why i have no girlfriend... but there are hundreds of other reasons why that is... long hair, BO, berms and t-shirt for every occasion...
i don't like crowds, i don't like "mingling" and i sure as hell don't like, "hey, bob, come here! i've got someone i want you to meet! you're sure to like her! *winkwink*."
thank you. but please stop.


-i like to look up words in the dictionary
yah. might be the smell of my ten (plus) year old Oxford (it says "New Edition" on the cover so its probably not that bad).
am consistently poor at spelling, especially stuff with 'double-doubles' e.g. "tom(m)orrow", stuff with 'X's, 'C's and 'S's, e.g. "ex(c)ercise" and latin, hebrew, other country words e.g. "bourgeoisie"
and mandarin dictionaries... hmm... i guess i kinda like it, too. flipping through all those pages... something about the flipping...


-"gee, uncle scrooge..."
i stinge on everything. i tell myself "today, i am going to the store to buy this thing!!" but when i get there i check the price, i walk around in circles, get stared at by the shopkeeper and leave empty-handed.
i even have this illusion that i won't stinge when it comes to food. i like to tell myself that money spent on the important things in life (like food), is money well and deservedly spent... but no... i avoid eating out as much as possible... heck, i don't eat when i'm out alone, period.
not trying to lose weight. i just don't like to spend.


-absolutely hate it when people throw parties for me
please don't. i don't deserve it, i won't appreciate it and i won't return the favor. i don't remember your birthday, nor do i celebrate any kind of holiday. don't send me instant messages or sms or email or snail mail or whatever. if it costs money... don't.
at the very least, know that it makes me feel guilty.


well, there you go - five (or was that six?) things you didn't need to know about bob. there's obviously a ton more but i'm thinking you REALLY don't need (read:want) to know.

as for passing this on... who's reading this space again?

god bless you, everyone

first, there was dinner with the family (and friend).

friends came over uninvited, brought a cake and sang me a birthday song.

i received the odd phone call from people i haven't met in ages:

"just wishing you a Happy Birthday! have a good one!"

smses beeped in on occasion.

"oh, great... 365 days a year and you message me to work on my birthday..."

but low and behold out pops a friendly name:

"Wishing you all the best on your special day!"

IMs were left flashing on my tool bar the last couple days, all with birthday wishes.

was brought to Malaysia for some "local food"... best wanton mee i've had in ages.

i was content to stay at home and play video games, but no... you guys had to come over with your surprise cake and drag me out to another country and call me out of the blue with inane messages and well wishes...

thank you all.

god knows i don't deserve the love and care you've shown me, and you all know even better i wouldn't have done it for you...

thank you.

yay

happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
happy birthday to bobby (it rhymes)
happy birthday to me