the miserable man

"so why're you like that?"

"hm? whad'dya mean?"

"you know, why are you miserable all the time?"

"i dunno... i just am?"

"oh c'mon. no one is "just miserable". its a choice. you can choose to be happy, or you can choose to be miserable."

"i guess... well, now that i think about it, i guess its 'coz i'm lonely."

"what?"

"'misery begs company'."

"oh, harhar, very clever. so if you're not lonely, you won't be miserable? then don't be lonely?"

"you mean like make friends? tried that. didn't like it."

"so you're telling me: you don't like to make friends, and because of that you're lonely, and because of THAT, you're miserable?"

"yeah... pretty much."

"you're pathetic."

"hm... making friends is such a hassle, you know? i mean, you think its as easy as going out, smiling and shaking a few hands. but it really isn't. there's responsibility, there's attachment, there's emotion, there's investment of various and numerous sorts. its very complex, i'm sure you of all people should understand."

"that's what making friends is about. everybody has to do it. what? you're not good at it? is that why you don't like it?"

"not so much as 'being good' as 'having the ability to'."

"you don't have the 'ability to' make friends?!"

"it often starts out simple enough. you find a common interest, hang out, share a few drinks and a laugh. easy. but its when all that other stuff comes in that i begin to have trouble. its easy to make friends. but its hard to be a friend."

"you never take it far enough to even begin to comprehend what you're saying! to me, you're just theorizing. and you're a coward."

"have you ever let anyone down?"

"sure. of course. it happens."

"sucks, doesn't it?"

"yeah, sure. i mean i wouldn't want to be let down by my friends. nobody does."

"and when it does happen. it makes it feel like all that laughing and fun times was a farce. it was something you had to do, like an investment. you had to buy friendship with laughter."

"we all make mistakes. just apologize and move on. you can't feel disappointed forever."

"so you let your friend down and you just 'move on'? pretend it never happened? carry on being happy like before?"

"why not?"

"you hurt someone. you. hurt. someone. you fooled them into liking you and trusting you. you bought them with your laughs and good feelings. and you hurt them."

"its life you know? you feel happy, you feel sad. you get hurt. but it doesn't always have to be that way."

"well..."

"..."

"it only hurts when i laugh."
--------------------------
inspired by The City of Frownsville, The Powerpuff Girls.

grab life by the balls!

when i was still in university, staying in hall and doing nothing but eat, sleep and play basketball (hey! things never change!), i remember vividly this one incident (of many, i assure you) that still bothers me.

it was some kind of open air concert hall event thingy. good friends playing bad music on stage and everyone just out to have a good time. but there was, strangely, no one in front of the stage like a real concert. most of us just hung around the edges and looked down from our rooms. i was on the edges.
then the act on stage at that moment started playing this elvis song (1 o'clock, 2 o'clock 3 o'clock rock!) and we were all pretty much into it (first real rock 'n' roll song all night).
i think the first stanza was just over when Jackie (not her real name.. or IS it?), who was simply itching to jump out and dance asked me to join her.

"c'mon bobby! let's dance!"

no points for guessing what i did. boo!

i refused her a couple times, and she, not having anyone to dance with (her girl friends hadn't arrived yet), reluctantly sat down also as the song played on.

stoopid stoopid stoopid! you are TEH DUMBDEREST EDEEEEOT!



*sigh* you fool.

Jackie is now happily attached, last i heard, and i wouldn't be surprised if she isn't already on the road to marriage.

you go girl. don't forget to invite me to the wedding.
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this other time, i was on my way home from hall, and i saw Jackie at hockey practice.
i strolled up to the gate and hung around outside.
she noticed i was there (i was conveniently shouting at my friends who were also at hockey practice, hahhah!) and walked up to the gate where i was.
we exchanged a few words. and then i bailed.

"er. i think i better go now. don't want to disturb your practice."

"no lah, they're not doing anything now."

"izzit? no, i think i better go."



real smooth, bobby. REAL smooth.

omgomgomgomg!

Its button moon!! woot!